I have been reading Pickleball Mindset – a great book from Dayne Gingrich and Jill Martin
One of the many great concepts of this book is that of pre-acceptance: acknowledging what might happen in your match as part of your pre-game preparation.
Now I have dabbled with trying to be OK with “bad” things as they happen during a game, but pre-accepting those possibilities before I get on the court has made a real difference.
Let me share how I put this into practice, but before I get to the pre-acceptance technique, let me tell you a bit about my background so you will understand what I need to accept.
My family moved a lot when I was young. I lived in many, many houses and went to a dozen different schools. Fitting in and making friends was extremely difficult for me and I always felt like an outcast. I always had the wrong school bag or school shoes and I ended up with an odd assortment of short, shallow friendships. And then I would move again and start the whole process over.
In addition, my family unit was not very strong and I never felt like I belonged anywhere. My self- protection mechanism was to try to anticipate what was expected of me in order to be “loved”. If I did something poorly, or too well, then I had done something “wrong”, so my whole life was a juggling act of trying to find the balance between doing something well enough to be accepted, but not too well in order not to be rejected. My focus was on keeping everybody happy with me, and not “ruining” their experience by doing something they deemed bad.
So on the pickleball court it is easy for me to get blindsided by that old trigger.
If I start making mistakes it can quickly escalate to “I am rubbish”, to “I am letting my partner down”, to “I don’t belong here”, to “I am ruining this game for everyone”, to “Get me the hell out of here!!” and yes, I have fled a game mid-match many times!!!!
For me, this trigger is also tied in to some overwhelming emotions that flood my body and I think it is those emotions that cause me to flee, not the thoughts. I KNOW the thoughts are not true, but the strong emotions seem to switch off my rational mind and they hijack my subsequent behaviour…
So here is my list of pre-acceptance items. As you will see they are not really so much about what might happen in a match, but more about what might happen internally:
- I accept I will make errors
- I accept I will have a run of errors
- I accept I will feel frustrated
- I accept I will think I am rubbish
- I accept I will feel like I am letting my partner down
- I accept I will feel like I don’t belong on the court
- I accept I will think I am ruining the game for everyone
- I accept I will feel like the weakest link
- I accept I will feel like fleeing
- I accept I might flee the court
Pre-accepting triggers and their natural consequences prepares us to neutralise them when they arise in the moment.
During the game I found myself easily recognising that the trigger was occuring. It was almost like I was expecting them, but not resisting them.
I made a mistake – “I accept I will make errors” I said in mind.
Another error – “I accept I will have a run of errors”
Over the game I found this naturally morphed to “It’s OK to make an error”, “It’s OK to feel frustrated”, “It’s OK to miss a serve..” I found the use of present tense helped me self-soothe a bit better.
Each time I did this it seemed like I was resetting my mind. Instead of having the trigger snowball and escalate, I was able to short-circuit the usual emotional overreaction and start each point from scratch. It was OK that it was happening – that felt liberating!
There was only one time in the match when I felt things escalate. I stopped and took some deep breaths.
“It’s OK to be triggered on the pickleball court”, “It’s OK to feel like fleeing”… That seemed to stop the reaction in its tracks before emotions could take hold and I was back in the game 🙂
TAKE TO THE COURT
Your Pre-Acceptance List
Create your pre-acceptance list.
It can be internal events like mine above, or external events that trigger you, like “I accept I will lose points”, “I accept my partner will make mistakes”, “I accept the sun will be in my eyes” or “I accept my opponents will see line calls differently to me”.
How do you want to record these – write them down, speak them?
Refine them over time and make them your own.
Pre-game Practice
Read or recite your pre-acceptance list. Spend some time on each one, fully recognising what it is you are accepting.
You might need to read it a few times and you may need a way to remember them – you could write a secret symbol on your hand, or even write one of the statements on your hand.
Or is there is a specific statement you could remember to say to yourself between points?
In-game Acceptance
During the game, remember to remember that you have accepted all the negative possibilities you prepared for.
Bring awareness to when they happen on the court, and do your best to accept them in the moment.
Say to yourself, “I accept I have made an error”, “I accept I feel angry” or “It’s OK my opponent hit a great shot”
Do this until it becomes second nature.
“Winning and losing is irrelevant. What matters is that you are in peace when you play. The irony is when you are at peace you will play better!”
